Because we got married in the middle of a pandemic, we had a pretty low-key wedding (duh). In some ways, looking back, I almost would have made it an even more low-key event if I were to do it again. It was still very much a typical-ish wedding, with flowers and decorations and cake and wine and a white gown, but there was also bring-your-own-lawn-chair seating, weird + rearranged timeline, and a backyard reception with about about 40 people.
I'm gonna be straight with you: planning a wedding during a pandemic is the pits. But having a wedding during a pandemic can actually be pretty awesome, and we ended up gaining a lot of positive things as a result of our changed plans.
con: it's stressful
So stressful. You can't plan anything too far in advance, because what if regulations change? I think I took a solid four months off planning as the world closed up and then slowly reopened again. That means everything is super last-minute, which is hard for planners like me. I don't think I have ever been as stressed as I was the week before my wedding. There was just so much to do still, and that was never how I imagined my time leading up to that day. People will tell you that everything will just not get done, and that you're the only one who will notice if something isn't right, and that it's just not a big deal. This is all true, but not very helpful, and I would suggest taking at least 2 days off before the wedding where you have nothing to do. I also can't recommend strongly enough that you appoint a day-of coordinator, paid or just a wedding guest, and let them know the wedding plans inside and out, as well as you do. You do not want to be the point person answering questions at your own wedding. Ideally, this person will help you plan all the way along, but make sure you meet with them about a week before and go through every single detail. It will feel like a lot of work, but it will be worth it.
pro: you get to be selfish
Nobody's feelings can be hurt if they don't make the list: there's nothing you can do about it. You're not being mean, it's a global pandemic. You get to choose the guest list based on whether you can't imagine getting married without them there rather than not wanting to exclude people, what your parents want, etc. We got to get married in front of our extended family and then we got to spend the evening with our very closest friends and family, which meant we got to spend lots of time with all of the people we love the most in the world.
Also: do you really want an extravagant wedding? I know this won't be the case for every couple, but we had originally planned a 175-person, fairly extravagant wedding at a venue in Niagara, but our actual 80-person ceremony and cocktail hour at Victoria Park in Kitchener and then 40-person reception in my parents' beautiful Waterloo backyard ended up feeling so much more suited to me and Mitchell. Plus, we got to have sparklers at our first dance, open bar + nicer wine because of the limited guest list, and Thai food for dinner, which are all things we would have had to sacrifice in our original plan.
con: it's more work
Do not listen to anybody that tells you, "well, it sucks that you can't have your dream wedding, but at least it'll be easier to plan if it's low-key." This is just not true. While you definitely have a leg up because by 2021, you know that your wedding will be affected by the pandemic (unlike us 2020 couples), it's not going to be easier. Things like making multiple guest lists based on gathering limits, finding backup plans for your backup plans, deciding how many invitations and chair rentals to order, and finding a non-traditional venue like a personal property all add up, time- and energy-wise. Also, most typical venues will do some of the work for you - I found that my pandemic wedding was much more DIY-heavy, and everything took longer than I expected. This just sucks - there's no way around it. My advice: keep the pandemic in mind as you plan. Don't expect it to magically disappear just because you want it to. Also: with the money you likely will be saving, consider hiring a wedding planner and/or day-of coordinator, as well as a service for both florals and decor - we had a whole village of people setting up our ceremony and reception venues, and it all worked out but it was a ton of work for everybody involved. (Also: I'd highly recommend having the ceremony and reception in the same place if you can. We couldn't with our plans, but it took a loooong time to get everything and everyone moved to the right place for the reception and we ended up running very late).
pro: it's less expensive (hopefully)
I know people lost some money in deposits, but we were fortunate enough to have hired only very flexible vendors. Now that you know there's a pandemic, make sure that any vendor you hire is willing to be flexible because of COVID. With lower guest counts and more casual (and likely free) home properties as venues, you'll be saving lots of money. Our wedding ended up costing about a third of what it originally would have. We have put that money into savings, and we may use it to throw a party for everybody who missed out on the wedding down the road, when we can all gather again.
pro: you can get creative
People have come up with some seriously great and very imaginative ideas. Not every plan will be for everybody, but I've heard of everything from just straight-up postponing to zoom weddings to staged weddings (like brunch and then dinner!). We ended up having a cocktail hour where we cut the cake and did our thank-you speech in the middle of the day, so we could share some food and some words with all of our extended family who joined us, and in some cases drove many hours, to be there with us in person for only the ceremony. We may eventually throw a super casual party once this is truly all over so we can have the experience of having all our loved ones gathered at once, which we feel like we missed out on (and I've still got a second wedding dress I need to wear, y'all!). The point is, there are good options!
con: you'll be missing some people
This is the worst one by far. My best friend lives in the States and she wasn't there on the day I got married. We video-called multiple times throughout the day, she watched the live stream of the ceremony and video of the speeches and dances afterwards, and she even got dressed up in her bridesmaid dress and drank everything out of a champagne flute all day (she's the best), so we both felt like she spent the day celebrating my marriage. Obviously, that didn't make it easy or as good of an option as having her there in person - it was super sad, but we had a while to prepare for it and it wasn't the end of the world. Someday, when the border opens up, we will have an in-person celebration with her.
pro: you'll be married!
Let's end this on a good note. The best pro, at the end of the day, is that you will be married, and you will have hopefully been surrounded by the people you love the most. As long as those things are true, I truly believe that you will look back on your wedding day with the happiest of memories. You will remember the things that went wrong, the times you were stressed, and the people who weren't able to be there. But you'll also remember how much fun you had, how special it was to be surrounded by loved ones on such a happy day, and your favourite moments. I don't know if I believed this before I got married, but I can tell you now that it's true: a wedding is a beautiful, fun, and important occasion. But it truly doesn't need to be a huge deal, and it doesn't need to be crazy expensive and grand, and it doesn't need to be (and won't be) perfect. You will look back on your wedding and love it anyway. And then you'll be married, which is absolutely the best!
Bonus pro: we had everybody in our small reception group get tested ahead of time, and cases were very low in our region, so we all felt comfortable with minimal social distancing and masking outdoors, which was so fun, because it was everybody's first time in almost a year to just be able to relax and be social and hang out without anxiety. If you can make this happen safely, we would highly recommend it!
That's all for now, folks. Good luck with your planning, and if you were looking for a sign to make yourself a cocktail to get yourself through this, this is it! You're welcome.
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