If you've been looking for somebody to give you permission not to get a diamond engagement ring, look no further. If you're very concerned for me and my non-diamond well-being and you can't fathom why anybody would do this to themselves, I might be able to put your mind at rest and answer that question. Either way, I wanted to share some thoughts about some different spins couples are taking on this tradition.
So first of all: if my ring isn't a diamond, what is it? It sure looks like a diamond! It's actually a moissanite, which is a man-made stone that shares many properties, but not the exact chemical makeup, of a diamond. They look like diamonds to any non-expert, and even they would have to get up close and under a microscope to be able to tell.
So why would we choose a moissanite over a diamond if they're so similar? Well, first of all, I'd like to address why you'd choose a diamond. Historically, most engagement rings did not actually contain diamonds, but other precious stones instead. Then, in the 1930s-40s, a seriously successful marketing campaign was schemed up with the goal of increasing the (suffering) sales of diamonds. Since then, the jewelry industry has essentially presented diamonds as the only option when it comes to engagement rings and price markups have soared. (In other *very conspiratorial* words, we're all brainwashed and somebody's making a lot of money off of that). So the short answer to why you could choose a moissanite instead? They're super sparkly, they're conflict-free and non-mined (so more environmentally friendly!), they're all high-quality, they're highly durable, and they cost much less.
Other options? (Your engagement ring totally isn't limited to a diamond or moissanite!). If you want to keep it diamond-adjacent, check out lab-created diamonds (which are fully real diamonds, just created in a lab - they're conflict-free and cost a little less) and white sapphires as well. I've created a list of things to look for in an engagement stone, so all the research I did while we were shopping hopefully goes to good use!
1. Hardness
This is probably the most important thing!! You want your ring, because of cost and sentimental value, to be durable! Some people take great care of their jewelry, but it's safe to say I am not one of those people. I have taken my ring off *twice* since I got it (to do an aerial yoga class and to get a spray tan) and it is still in perfect shape after a year of constant wear. Moissanites are almost as hard as diamonds. (The next-hardest naturally occurring stone is sapphires, and white ones are a great option if you're looking for a non-moissanite that looks diamond-esque). I've seen some really beautiful trends lately, like using a morganite or opal in an engagement ring. Not only am I biased towards a timeless look for such an important piece of jewelry, but these rings do make me nervous because these stones aren't nearly as durable as a diamond/moissanite/sapphire ring! In my opinion, you'd need to be very confident in your ability to take good care of your ring if that's the direction you want to go. Sapphires come in lots of colours, so I'd recommend checking them out if you're looking for your ring to be a pop of colour.
2. Brilliance
Moissanites are actually more brilliant than diamonds, which means that for a similar quality of stone, a moissanite will be more sparkly.
3. Quality
With diamonds, the quality is affected by the stone's clarity, cut, and colour. This means you can get a relatively low-cost diamond (which is still expensive!), but it might not look too good. Moissanites come in tiers of quality instead. There's something called a Forever One Moissanite, and you can be sure that anything in that tier will be the highest of quality. Regular and Forever One moissanites are both comparable in look to a high-quality diamond. The uniform quality makes it much easier to choose a specific moissanite than diamond.
4. Source
It was important for us to get a conflict-free stone for my ring. When we were initially looking at diamonds, we were looking only at lab-created ones because of their non-mined status. Moissanites are also lab-created, which means they are conflict-free and have less of an environmental impact.
Additionally, related to the source of the ring, my ring was actually purchased on Etsy! I have my own Etsy shop and I'm a big believer in supporting small businesses. People tend to be a little taken aback when I tell them I made such a big purchase online without seeing it in person first (and PS - if you're thinking it sounds like I picked out my own ring, you'd be right!) but it was easy for me - I was drawn immediately to the ring and a wedding band from the same shop. I absolutely love the ring, and it was made with love by a real human in Colorado. It's a big purchase, and I'm glad the money went to supporting small.
5. Cost
Speaking of money! Everybody of course has a different idea of what they can/want to pay for an engagement ring. My fiance and I wanted to buy a well-made, durable ring, and we were prepared to pay more to make sure that was the case. However, I didn't love the idea of paying many thousands of dollars for the diamond that went into the ring (I couldn't shake the feeling that that amount of money would buy us a really nice trip to Europe or something). But, I also knew exactly what I wanted the ring to look like, and I wanted a certain size of stone! Moissanites are a fraction of the cost of diamonds (for the record, this is still by far my most expensive piece of jewelry!), and in the end, that just made sense for us. We wanted a specific look under a specific budget and my moissanite ring made that happen.
All in all, I was a bit worried about going with a moissanite instead of a diamond. I was worried it would feel like a fraud, and I was a bit nervous that the ring wouldn't feel like as big of a deal without a real diamond, despite knowing all of the above. Rest assured, I do not feel like a fraud, and the engagement and the ring did feel like a huge deal, and I spent the first month with it on my hand absolutely obsessed and I couldn't stop staring at the sparkles. A year later, I am still in love (and the wedding band, also moissanite, doesn't hurt!).
A non-diamond engagement ring is not for everyone, I'm sure, but it was a great option for us and it could be a great option for you! This is one of those traditions that, in my opinion, is overrated, and I'd encourage all couples thinking about engagement to consider whether they truly want a diamond, or they're buying a diamond because they didn't realize there are other options.
Happy shopping, loves!
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